Misunderstanding.

I wish I could fix this. I wish I could make the pain go away. I have been selfish. I wish you could understand. When we met, there was this insane connection. Ever since you stepped into my life, everything has just been better. There was the same amount of drama revolving around me and my family was still a mess, but you just assured me that I was going to be okay and I believed it every time. I don't cry to people. I don't open up very often. There was something safe about our friendship. Your family invited me into your home and I love all of them so much. I can't imagine anything different. There was just something about our friendship after the first week and I knew it was going to last. Then I met the rest of your family, and I kept being reassured that you would be in my life forever. You understand my music, you understand my love of lyrics and quotations. We are so alike and I can't seem to let that go. I could make lists forever and ever about everything we share.... and we have only known each other for about seven months! I know that you think this situation is partially your fault and you beat yourself up. It's not and I wish you could see that. I wish I could change your mind and find a way for you to stay. I honestly do not know what I will do without you here. I know you want someone to help you through the pain and figure out what's wrong, but you can do it here too. Just the thought...ah Literally, I feel like I am going to crash and burn. You know how I am with words, and I can't seem to put them together to help you understand my feelings. I want to be there and I want to help you. It's going to be so hard when you don't want the help from me and can't have me there. I've cried so much. I can't start over from square one. I've lost so much this year. So many relationships and I can't lose one of my most treasured ones. I don't mean to sound rude and I'm sorry if I came across that way, but I will do what I feel is right. I'm sorry you are damaged. I really am. I know you need the space to think and breathe... and when you are ready I'll be there to help you patch yourself up and become that happy, amazing person that everyone knows you are. I wish I could spend every moment with you before you left. I thought I had more time, but I don't. I wish I could explain how I feel. Songs aren't even speaking to me right now. I'm so torn apart and I don't know how i can carry on. I know it's going to be even harder for you, but I want you to know that no matter what happens. I'll be here when you come back and I will have missed you so much. I always wanted a sister.... and then my wish came true :') I love you so much, sis. Please never forget that. You are THE strongest woman I have ever met. You are my role model. Now stop being strong, keep calm, heal and carry on.