You never understood what I’d do for you

I’d sacrifice my feelings just to see you happy

Because that’s what you do

You focus more on what makes them happy than yourself

Guess you could never figure it out and will move on to someone else



There’s no reset button in life

No on/off switch or get out of jail free card

When things go wrong, you fix it or move on

You can’t act like a coward and run away

But you don’t agree and that’s the cause of my pain today



All we needed was a chance

A small window to show you that it could work

Instead we hang around and play this dance

It hurts too much to move to this melody

I have to set myself free



What’s so scary about emotions?

You deny it to yourself even, but you know it’s there

Yet you can throw it away without even a care

I’d work with you and help you face it

But you don’t even want to give it a chance



You make me feel like there is something wrong with me

Everyone tells me that it is simply not true

It doesn’t matter what they say because it's all about you

Why can’t you let me help you through?

Now I’ll let it lurk and define me because I can’t let it be



All we needed was a chance

A small window to show you that it could work

Instead we hang around and play this dance

It hurts too much to move to this melody

I have to set myself free



When it comes to down to it

You can never take that chance

I’ve given you too many opportunities

Hurting like none other and you don’t care

It's too much I simply cannot bear



All we needed was a chance

A small window to show you that it could work

Instead we hang around and play this dance

It hurts too much to move to this melody

I have to set myself free



Yea, I don’t want to let this be

I wish you could see what I see

I guess you never will

So I have to set myself free

The Reason

I’ve always been the girl who puts up walls

Who can never let anyone in

The one who likes to hide from her flaws

Used to being attacked so I put up my defense

It makes no sense


With you, it’s different and I can’t figure out why

If you confronted me about it

I would deny it, run away and hide

Afraid of what you may think, i dismiss it

Yet deep down inside


I want to be the reason for your happiness

To be wrapped up in your mess

I would do anything to be your everything

To be the reason for your smile

Even if it is only for a little while


I could stare in your eyes for miles

Makes me feel so far away

yet so close to where I should be

As I lay on your chest I can feel your heart beat

If you even had a clue


It hurts, but I’m addicted to everything you are

No one controls me like you

I just need to be in your arms

Can't even form a complete sentence around you

Random words are all I can say


I want to be the reason for your happiness

To be wrapped up in your mess

I would do anything to be your everything

To be the reason for your smile

Even if it is only for a little while


I know I’ve messed up, and I know I’m unstable

I realize that sometimes I can be hard to handle

You make me goofy and awkward

Why is trying to tell you this so hard?


I'm telling you now

i can't imagine my life without you in it somehow

I don't care what anyone thinks

But this might be meant to be


I want to be the reason for your happiness

To be wrapped up in your mess

I would do anything to be your everything

To be the reason for your smile

Even if it is only for a little while

Uncertainty.

Written By: Me

For those who think they know me
I only have myself to blame
Few only know some of my story
Most barely know my name

So much pain hidden
So many things left to discover
Too afraid to let anyone in
Too afraid of what you might uncover

You think you know me
But you know nothing at all
Won't depend on anyone to be around
To catch me as I fall

Finally feel put together
Like something is going right
If that is the case
Why do I cry myself to sleep at night?

I sit and write these lyrics
Hoping that I will believe them myself
If I can't even believe the chorus
How will anyone else?

You think you know me
But you know nothing at all
Won't depend on anyone to be around
To catch me when as I fall

To all who judge me
Who put my soul to shame
You only know what he tells you
You’ve never seen the hate

He destroys me and degrades me
Tells me that I’m not right
Tries to prevent me from being happy
His death wish has been brought to light

You think you know me
But you know nothing at all
Can’t depend on anyone to be around
To catch me as I fall

The only way I can be
Is on my own
I will be end up just fine
Because I will always be strong

Strong is all I’ve ever had to be
Just for a second I wish you could live like me
Then maybe you would finally understand
Why it is so hard for me to let anyone in

I'm sick of feeling bad for when I act weak
Shouldn't be ashamed when my emotions get the best of me

You think you know me
But you know nothing at all
Can’t depend on anyone to be around
To catch me as I fall

I really wish you knew me
But you know nothing at all
Can't wait around
For someone to catch me as I fall

Foolish Heart

From the moment we started talking
Your smile caught my eye
You made me turn red with a glance
Now you hurt me with a passive smile

We got along so well
Never met anyone so like myself before
Things have changed so drastically
Now it’s hard to tell if I can trust you anymore

Empty promises leave me hanging
Foolish heart can’t take the breaking
You can’t tell but you leave me begging for more
Just a hopeless romantic, too afraid to walk out the door

I can’t help but wonder where things went wrong
You never gave me a clear answer, so I’m stuck here writing this song
My heart is still calling to you, but my head is telling me no
I still can’t decide which way I will go

Empty promises leave me hanging
Foolish heart can’t take the breaking
You can’t tell but you leave me begging for more
Like a hopeless romantic, afraid to walk out the door

I’ve never met anyone who understood me so well
Without even hardly knowing me at all
I lay here still hoping that maybe you’ll come around
Too worried of what might happen, when my first step hits the ground

Empty promises leave me hanging
Foolish heart can’t take the breaking
You can’t tell but you leave me begging for more
Like a hopeless romantic, afraid to walk out the door

There was always something there
Something you can never deny
Is it even worth it anymore? Why should I even try?
I know right now you’re unstable, but I just can’t tell you goodbye

Perspective

Sometimes it takes a terrible situation to make you realize what is important. It takes a "it will never happen to me" moment to happen to someone you love just to realize how serious it all is. College kids drink and party and do drugs all the time thinking they will only experience temporary effects. Think about it. How many people do you know who haven't at least tried drugs or alcohol? My guess is the number is very slim. You may think you are just having fun, but think of the consequences. My cousin had finally cleaned up until one day he had a relapse and took too much... and that was all it took. He was a witty guy who always had those awkward sarcastic comments at the dinner table that everyone loved, the one with the goofy smile on his face, who cared a lot for his sister, loved ones and family, who always tried to teach lessons and live them himself. He had started to straighten life out to where he wanted it to be...He was 20 years old with a baby on the way and a bunch of people who loved him. I have memories with him that go back to when I was five years old and now he is gone because of a mistake that I'm sure he thought was temporary.

We all mess up and we all hit rough spots, but there are other things that can help us through the difficulties besides substance abuse. For instance, your loved ones. Personally, if anyone has any kind of issue, I would appreciate it if they would come to me before turning to harmful substances to ease their pain. Your actions not only affect yourself, but everyone around you. The people who matter the most will stick with you through the hard times and even the good times, and those who don't will fade away when things get hard. Do not be discouraged, this means they were never meant to be a part of your life in the first place. Now I know after this happening in my family that I have thought a lot about what I want out of life and who means the most to me. It's that moment when you feel sorrow... who do you want by your side? Who is going to help you be strong? Who can help you be the best of yourself? Find those people and do not let them go.

I don't wish this upon anyone. Please consider this next time you go out to have fun. It's real. It happens. This is life, and it goes fast. You should enjoy it, but always remember how fast it can be taken away as well. Twenty is too young to have lived your life. We will miss you man. Rest in peace <3