Ever wanted something so bad even though you know you can't have it? Like everything is going against you and even if there was a slim chance, it would never happen. Even if that chance came up.... what you want is wrong. It's unethical and you still want it more than anything. You don't care what it takes to to fulfill that empty space... but you are determined nonetheless. Instead, you just dream about how life would be if you got what you wanted. Impossible dreams. Never thought I would say a dream was impossible, but this one sure is.
Missing the people I used to see almost everyday and now i just see them for a few seconds every once in a while. Things have changed and the relationships just aren't the same. I don't think that this big change was for the better. I need to find some way to either adapt or find a new path. It feels like I am in this never ending cycle of doom and the people are all against me. I really wish I wasn't alone in this... but I am. I've never been alone before. It terrifies me, actually. I don't have those people to help me or guide me in any way. I don't have those allies, it's just me against the world. All those people who believed in me sooo much.. hardly say anything to me now. It's time to stand up for myself and only do what I believe in not what others tell me to believe.
I'm sorry if I hurt people along the way... it was not intended. I meant what I said when I said I didn't wanna lose you, but apparently you don't think the same. I honestly wish we could heal things, but maybe that's not what you want. Things are gonna start to change A LOT more soon. Independence is a beautiful and horrific thing. It's time to continue on this path I've been on, but maybe edit it a little. I don't know exactly where I'm going to go... but hey, that's part of growing up! These next few days are going to be rough, but I am strong enough to handle it. Feeling like a failure... wish things were how they used to be. It's time to forget about it and move on.
No comments:
Post a Comment