Safety Blanket

Sometimes you just have to look deep inside to see how you really feel. Sometimes you have to be put to the test in situations to see just how strong you are. That's exactly what I am doing. I didn't realize what I really felt until now. Everyone has a safety blanket. You are mine. All of this around me is changing... and my safe place now isn't so safe. It is slowly tearing me apart. I am getting so much reassurance, but I can't help but feel otherwise. I hide it pretty well. I know you don't see it, but inside I am hurting. I am taking a lot of sacrifices, but sometimes I wonder if you just expect me to. I will go to the end of the earth for you and I hope you know that. I can't wait to enter this new phase in my life. The independence, the laughter, the memories. However, I can't help but be completely terrified. I am letting in something that is not a part of my safe place. It's weird for me to feel this way. I feel this wall dividing my life. I refuse to fail. I have been told since my sophomore year of high school that when I got on my own... i would fail... and when i had a job...i would fail.... and when i started college....i would fail... when i had a career...i would fail. Well, let me tell you I have been through two of those so far and have not failed. I will not fail on my own. I will be mature and handle situations with ease. Even if things get stressful, I will not breakdown. I will pull through it. I will not go running to my parents. I am strong. I will get through this. The question is if something happens to my safety blanket... will I be able to get through it? Right now my answer is no. I would like to say yes, but if I like it or not I depend on my blanket for security. Always catches me when I fall. I don't think I could get through life without this comfort feeling that you give me. I am terrified, but I am going to be strong for the people I am closest with. What would I do without my safety blanket? Something has come between me and my blanket and it's creating a bigger and bigger distance. There didn't used to be any distance. I just have to trust that it will be okay and you won't leave me. Cuz, frankly, I couldn't go on without you.  <3